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Salon finally came out and told me I’m old, even though I personally haven’t had any Facebook disasters [that I'm willing to admit to.] I find this weird, because so far in life I’ve seen 30 go from being decidedly one-foot-in the-grave (my parents’ generation, which declared anyone over thirty untrustworthy) to being considered a defacto “gap year” between being an irresponsible youth and pulling it together to build a career. For all but the most driven tech-heads and Trump offspring, 30 has felt really young. Until now, when people all over the place have reversed the trend at hyperspeed and made 30 the new 60.

I was so disgruntled by being called old by Salon that I looked for answers on the interwebz. Yes, I looked “on the line” and not in my Brittanica. But, being old, I followed the first link posted on Jun 2, 2008 which seemed recent enough because I’m old, and found myself sifting through all 2 responses to a query by courtney on the answerbag.com. They were philosophical but unrevealing:

Old is a good decade older than my age, all the time.

Yelp members discussing the topic werre more numerous and shed more light (don’t settle for this exerpt…the entire comment thread is a laughriot):

• There is a quiet division between intellect and ignorance. Age, I have no idea.
• The “old” people hide their drinking problems better…the only way to tell the difference.
• Dude, Havent you heard, 30 is the new 20 brotha!

Anyway, I’m consoling myself for watching Old People News, thanks to Atom. You know you’re onto something when you find out that hydrogen peroxide will finally get rid of that stubborn hat fungus!